He looked toward the waiter walking back over and said, “Go ahead and bring every couple their own check. Separate everything.”
My cousin Rick froze halfway out of his chair.
Denise immediately laughed too loudly. “Oh come on, Grandpa, we always just split it.”
Grandpa slid his glasses back on. “No. I always paid it.”
That shut the whole table up.
The waiter actually looked relieved. “I can do separate checks, sir.”
Rick started patting his pockets again. “Seriously, I really did leave my wallet in the truck.”
Grandpa nodded calmly. “Then I guess tonight’s the night you finally go get it.”
A couple people snorted trying not to laugh.
Denise kept pushing. “Why are you making this awkward?”
Grandpa leaned back in the booth. “Awkward was watching grown adults order bourbon like millionaires knowing they planned to stick an old man with the bill.”
Nobody touched the seafood platters after that.
Then the checks came out.
You could actually watch people’s faces change reading the totals. Rick stared down at his little black folder and muttered, “Two hundred and thirty dollars?”
Grandpa adjusted his napkin. “That top-shelf bourbon adds up fast when you buy rounds for six people.”
Suddenly everybody found a payment method. One cousin magically remembered he had Apple Pay. Denise’s “frozen” banking app started working again too.
Funny how that happens.
Grandpa paid for his own barbecue plate, sweet tea, and peach cobbler. Left the waiter a huge tip besides.
When we walked out, Rick tried joking that Grandpa had “changed the rules.”
Grandpa stopped right there on the sidewalk and said, “No. I finally noticed the game.”
Nobody invited him to another one of those dinners after that.